How to save a life?
Recently in our 77 video blog we found an interesting way of destroying industrially brewed beers made by the faceless multinational corporate giants.
Martin and I played some beer golf. Cutting our hands was worth it as we got to kill some truly awful bottles of beer.
Anyway we want your ideas on how we can destroy generic, monolithic beers in future video blogs. What would you like to see us do with bottles of Bud, Miller and Carling? Would you like to see us go clay pigeon shooting with some Stella as cannon fodder? Playing beer baseball with Becks? Perhaps 10 pin bowling a multipack of Corona? Get your little thinking caps on. The more bottles we can smash, the more souls we can save.
The best 5 suggestions will all be sent a mixed case of our hardcore ales.
Join the Discussion
Comments (57)
How it is done:
1. take a forklift each, preferably non motorized.
2. set out from 10 - 100 bottles of soul-less ugly beer bottles or cans.
3. Take a polo club.
4. By using your forklift as a vehicle, horse, bike, what ever to make your way on the course
5. the one smashing the most bottles or cans on the course wins.
TADAA! Enjoy.
Stretch Idea. That bit in Goldfinger where they have Bond on the table and a laser heading for his gentlemans vegtables. Do that but no-one saves the beer. You may have to hollow out a volcano etc.
Alternatively, do not cook. Just put in a big fire and wait for them to die.
OR - empty the bottles and cans, mix the contents together in a massive container. Freeze it. Then roll it down a big hill, preferably into all the empty bottles and cans. It would have a sort of destructive easter theme.
Oh and why do you remove the labels you ask? Well to restock the toilet paper at the brewery of course!
You need to go to the source. You need to destroy the beer...
I suggest decanting the offending liquor into some kind of mold (say: http://bit.ly/aGYHyG ). Then you can inflict pain on the beer itself. How about:
- Putting them places to meld. Sadly, slowly
- As above. But in urinals
- Tie them to rockets, and fire them into space
- Catapult
- Post them to the Portman Group (return to sender)
- Spherical molds - and play pool
- Two words: Viking Funeral
Undercover work at Inbev
Or you could always try the Will It Blend philosophy.
All these suggestions sound good fun to watch though!!
Beer Conkers - you would need some protective gear, but you could judge the macro brews by the strength of their bottles.
Hardcore option:
Chainsaws - stupid, dangerous, and fun! Pile em up and let rip!
Industrial sized option:
Car crusher - find your nearest car yard and pile as much crappy beer in to their car crusher as you can. Push the big red button, and revel is the immediate and unstoppable destruction.
The old-fashioned option:
Hammers - line up a load of bottles on top of a big block of polystyrene insulation board and see how far you can drive a bottle in to it with a single hammer blow. It will test your beer carpentry skills and the quality of the bottles...
You could, of course, always just drop a crate of barley and hops on the industrial muck, so it is finally introduced to some proper ingredients.
For destroying individual bottles/cans: fasten two ropes to a bottle or can and have two cars/horses/tanks etc pull it apart. Or put a can in a press and watch it slowly compress until it bursts. A fitting press should be found at any respectable solid mechanics lab :)
1) Go up in a hot air balloon over a big target (or multiple targets) set up in a field (paint, straw, whatever) and drop and lob bottles for points. Beware of cows. Some of them like to be rubbed down with sake, but a beer bottle from 800 feet isnt the same.
2) Fill the cisterns of the company unirals with the stuff, collect the flushed run-off, put it back in the bottles, put the bottles back on the shelves and (if anyone notices) watch them lob the stuff away in disgust.
3) Get one large swing top of Grolsh and use it to launch a boat down a ramp (on land) into a pile of smaller bottles of Grolsh.
4) Set up a Pepsi Challenge type event (shopping centre, town square, whatever) with your beer in one bottle and the leading name brand in the other. The losing leading brand bottle must then be smashed by the person doing the tasting.
5) Get yourself a nice bit of lawn, some bow-ties and straw boaters and a croquet set. Instead of using hoops put out bottles of crap. Some welly may be needed in order to secure a fulsome shattering, but the objective is to get round the course breaking more than your opponent.
6) Phone up the chaps at the Army and ask if you can take some explosive targets to their range and borrow a belt fed machine gun. Tins look much more impressive when shot by large calibre ammunition than bottles do in case you go with this one btw.
7) Remote controlled car (circa Top Gear). Fill it up with stock and then run it at a symbolic speed (say 88 mph) off a very high ledge into a disused quarry. If you co-ordinate this with the BBC, you could maybe fill the car with C4 and get it to feaure in a Dr Who episode or something.
8) Find out where a building is due to be demolished... Im sure you can work out the rest of that one.
9) Strap bottles/cans to fireworks. But rather than shooting them up into the air (where fragments of glass shrapnel or metal barbs will cause inconvenient and dangerous litter over a wide area) shoot the rockets sideways at a target. Think of it as darts, but for rocket scientists. Lab coats and safety specs must be worn at all times of course, because its science.
I think there should definitely be something fitting with the brewdog characters...something involving a penguin, perhaps a remastered, reinforced version of the p-bomb from the sink the bismark video
There is a trebuchet near Urquhart Castle on the shores of Loch Ness. Go use it for its highest possible purpose: destroying bad beer.
Cheers
i would be more than happy to do the dropping as i live along the coast.
Hopefully a mangled mess of sh*t beer!