SIMCOE’S CHRISTMAS BALL FOR 2018
With only a couple of days remaining in the year, all eyes turn to a very special corner of the brewery. As is traditional, in the waning moments before a calendar flicks over we wait for the emergence of a truly unique oracle – our four-pawed soothsayer Simcoe. He appears like a groundhog to peer into his crystal ball and predict what 2018 will bring on Planet BrewDog.
And as he dutifully nudges the ball into place, what does he see inside as the mists clear?
The first thing Simcoe sees is a flurry of motion – bottles of his favourite Punk IPA whirring past like never before. As his viewpoint pans outwards there are more and more of them, with kegs blurring in the background and something new whizzing along in the front. It looks like…gin? And further away, huge towers that weren’t there last year. Is something happening in Ellon? And why is Martin sitting on top of the highest tank whirling his jumper round his head?
Next up, something much more Simcoe-sized but just as exciting. It’s a line-up of small cylinders that he knows only too well – he keeps a selection of cans in his dog house to roll around the brewery floor when everyone has gone home for the night. There’s a blue one, of course. Green. Darker Green. Red. And on the end…what’s this? A silver one? Simcoe furrows his pup-brow in confusion. There isn’t a BrewDog beer that comes in a can like that, is there...?
Simcoe takes a paw backwards as the next image appears. It’s Galaxy, his cousin from down under! He always suspected Galaxy had some dingo in him and the barking and leaping around only confirms this. But hang on…maybe the excitement is unrelated to his bloodline? He’s not even wearing his corked hat! So something is definitely up in Australia that Simcoe needs to make a note of. As the picture fades, he faintly hears Galaxy cry ‘see you sooo…’
Now Simcoe knows Richard Kilcullen, so when he sees his favourite American (after Lassie) appear in his crystal ball he gives a welcoming yelp. But it pauses in his doggy throat as he wonders what on earth Richard is up to. He’s running through a field – that’s Simcoe’s job! But instead of a stick, he’s holding something else as he runs. It looks like a large butterfly net. Simcoe knows Richard is deathly afraid of butterflies, so it must be something else he is collecting?
Simcoe’s getting into this prediction caper so the scene that appears in his crystal ball next is one that he both recognises and one that takes him by surprise. It’s himself, sporting a rather nifty blue peaked hat. As more of the mist clears he can see that instead of his usual First Mate’s hat, he is actually wearing the hat of an airline Co-Pilot. And there are people milling around waiting to get on a plane. It can’t be Air BrewDog – but what the heck could it be?
At least there isn’t time for his annual Geography quiz this year, so he’s thankful…oh no! A colourful map of the world appears and he lets out a canine groan. But he knows the drill and barks what he sees as a kaleidoscope of imagery appears in front of his eyes. A large bridge in London. A pointy pylon in France. A blistering array of neon. A large stone gate with a chariot on top. Reading town centre. What could it all mean?
With that, the crystal ball dims into blankness and the brewery lights appear once again. That’s all the oracle has displayed for our four-pawed prophet. He slowly rises up and noses the crystal ball from its pedestal and pushes it back into his dog house to hide it away for another year. Whatever 2018 brings, as far as he is concerned at the very least it should bring biscuits. And plenty of them.
Happy New Year from everyone at BrewDog!